I love scary movies. Even when I was little, I looked forward to “Creature Feature” (though I sometimes watched from behind the couch).
With Halloween coming soon, I thought it’d be fun to imagine some of my favorite scary movies as scary blogs. I came up with 13:
1. Night of the Living Blog. Radiation from a fallen internet service satellite has caused dead bloggers to rise up and post about their hunger for human flesh. Once you get “trackbacked,” you become one of them. And the only way to kill one is to destroy their keyboard.
2. The Texas Chainsaw Blog. En route to visit their grandfather’s grave, five teenage bloggers drive past Google headquarters. They pick up a nerdy hitch-hiker, get freaked and drop him off (but not before he tampers with their GPS). They end up at an old farm house that looks nothing like the Internet café they were trying to find, go inside to ask for directions… and are plunged into a never-ending nightmare as they meet a family of cannibal bloggers who specialize in the power tool niche.
3. The Blogorcist. A young female blogger is possessed by the devil and starts posting, tagging and pinging filth all over the Internet. Two priests risk their sanity and their lives to perform a blogorcism as the girl’s head spins in circles and her PC levitates.
4. Blog on Elm Street. A mutilated monster blogger named Freddy spams teenagers during their dreams, snatching them through their monitor.
5. Blogcho. The deranged mama’s boy blogger of BatesMotel.com terrorizes a beautiful spammer as she tries to clean up her act during a visit to his chat room.
6. The Blogging. The off-season guest blogger of OverlookHotel.com becomes bored due to the lack of visitors, succumbs to the site’s evilness, and starts making very nasty posts about his wife and young son. Redrum!
7. Blogula. A mysterious blogger posts only at night and sucks the traffic from competing sites.
8. Blogien. In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream. An alien blogger invades the Internet, terrorizes IT teams, and implants alien viruses in web sites without secure firewalls.
9. Invasion of the Blog Snatchers. Extraterrestrials quietly start replacing interesting blogs with boring clones in San Francisco as the blog owners sleep.
10. Rosemary’s Blog. A pregnant blogger begins to suspect she’s being spammed by a Satanic cult intent on stealing her baby niche content.
11. When a Stranger Blogs. A beautiful young blogger begins getting scary comments and text messages on her laptop while babysitting. Extremely suspenseful blog that spawned legions of imitations.
12. The Silence of the Blogs. A novice FBI agent consults with a creepy blogger in order to catch a demented serial spammer. “I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.”
13. Blogs. A great white blog attacks and consumes visitors to a popular vacation site. The local sheriff tries to convince the owner to shut down the site as he and a grizzled IT expert attempt to catch the monster. “We’re gonna need a bigger spam blocker!”
scary blogs scary movies